Things I want to start by the end of summer:
Perfect jean shorts
2 large paintings
Save at least £300
Pass driving test
Part time job (???)
Road trip to brighton&bath
Learn about pirate history
Finish Kant book
Collect tea cups
Start a story
this hair is big and full of secrets
A2 exam portraits (12 hrs)
I’m finding it so difficult to beef up my motivation for this final coursework handing in malarkey. There was no one in the house this weekend cause my parents went away for a ‘romantic getaway’ lololol. So I thought this would be a great opportunity to switch off my phone and just blitz my coursework &revision. (didn’t happen)
I also made plans to hang out with one of my friends friday night. It got to an hour after he was meant to be here so I messaged him and he didn’t reply for a couple of hours when I got a few back like ‘What?’ ‘What am I doing?’.
idk I just got a bit shitty at that, not only had he not bothered to tell me he wasn’t going to turn up, he totally forgot (or pretended to forget?? IDK).
I sort of thought I might’ve meant a tiny bit more to him than that- and it hurt because I was really excited to see him and hear about what he’d been up to while I was away. I wouldn’t think so much about it if I hadn’t been away and we hadn’t had a bit of an argument before I left. But it seems everytime I reach out the fucking olive branch I get an apathetic ‘fuck you’ back.
So fu tbh, I’m done with this shit. It doesn’t put me in a great mindset and I’ve got more important things, and people, to worry about.
It makes me sad that someone can mess me around so much and I’m still willing to love them and stand by them.
How little respect do I have for myself? I’ve cultivated self love and self respect as soon as I realised I didn’t have any and this whole experience has shown I obviously didn’t try hard…